Jan 12 2009
Sexual Dysfunction
One of the most difficult subjects for me, as an English guy brought up by religious parents, is sex. The s-word is dirty, a sin, something to keep behind closed doors and not look at too closely. I’ve always been like that, even though I went to an all-boys secondary school where porn magazines were like a currency in the playground at lunchtime and could guarantee popularity. Hey, I was (and am) a geek: being a social reject, I had no need for popularity!
With my partner and I, sex is a matter of some dissent. We both have our problems for our own reasons (which I’m not going to go into because they’re rather private, thank you) but neither of us is particularly weird or celibate. Just a little reticent and nervous, even after so many years together. I wanted to write something about this because it’s a tough thing to cover and can affect a lot of couples with similar troubles to those we’re going through.
The biggest problems have been caused by my back problems and her alcoholism. Given that we’re both of the age where we’re seriously considering starting a family (if we can get some kind of stability in our lives first), it’s a subject that comes up fairly often (excuse the pun).
I have a couple of problems with this. Firstly, I’m in a lot of pain. This makes the actual physical act somewhat less acrobatic and significantly more difficult. It doesn’t mean we can’t do anything at all, but my partner’s put on a lot of weight over the last couple of years and even with her taking the lead, it puts a lot of poundage on my suffering muscles.
Then there’s the alcohol. I hate alcohol. I’ve hated alcohol for a long, long time - way before my lady had any trouble with it, because my best friend from University is alcoholic and it’s probably going to kill him. Now, when she gets frisky, my partner thinks I’m less interested in sex because of her weight. This is utter nonsense. Sexiness has little to do with physical appearance (though it can help, obviously) and a whole heck of a lot more to do with who she is and the fact that she’s absolutely astoundingly lovely. This would be true even if she weighed more than a truck and had a face like a slapped arse (I had to get that phrase in there, it’s just so expressive).
The reason I’m less interested is because she mostly gets frisky when she’s drunk. She stinks of alcohol, can barely tag two sentences together into something coherent and staggers around. This is distinctly un-sexy. Consequently, these negative things get associated and - after a couple of years - the libido suffers.
Thankfully, she seems to be staying on the hard road to recovery. She drank today, but this was semi-planned as it’s the fourth day since she last touched a drop. She’s holding to that cycle, as she has done since the start of the year, and I’m proud of it! She managed to do a workout and some more preparation for her interview (in two weeks) as well. Pretty impressive, even if I do say so myself. At the end of the evening, she totally conked out and went to bed - she hasn’t slept properly for a week because of the cat and was quite simply exhausted.
Anyway, the practical upshot of this is that I have noticed my libido returning, the less she drinks. This is excellent news all round, especially since being a parent is extremely high on her list of priorities. It’s bringing us closer together and has me ogling her as she walks around the house. What can I say? I love boobies. 
