Jan 30 2009
Aftermath
One of the hardest things to deal with as a full time carer living with someone bordering on alcoholism isn’t the evening of inebriation. Of course, that’s pretty difficult, as some of my posts indicate! Still, the really tough part is the aftermath. The next day.
My partner usually spends the day after a drinking session recovering: in her case, this means sleeping most of the day. She’s someone who needs a lot of sleep anyway (her average of nine or ten hours is significantly larger than mine, down near four or six), but after a session she’ll just stay in bed and effectively lose an entire 24-hour period.
Reading that, you’re probably wondering why it’s difficult to handle. Well, I think it comes down to the situation: when she’s drunk, she’s really annoying. Then, the next morning, she’s all sweetness and light, just as she is whenever she’s sober. Unfortunately, I still have all the crap from the previous evening dragging through my head, even if she’s forgotten it or has hazy memories.
Since she’s in bed all day, she wants me to look after her by bringing her food, making sure she has enough water and so on. This is something I do gladly - usually when she’s ill, of course, but even if not. I still have a hilarious memory of her waking up in the middle of the night and asking me for an egg sandwich. I got up and made it (yes, I know there aren’t many people who would, especially at 2:30am), but when I came back she was snoring - she’d never actually woken up! She’d asked for it in her sleep.
However, back to The Day After: since I’m trailing bad memories of the previous night behind me, and usually haven’t slept well (her inebriation often starts a bout of insomnia in me), I’m feeling distinctly less cute-and-cuddly. It takes a lot of energy and effort to let the previous evening’s events go and start the day as if nothing untoward has happened. Thankfully, I’m not a vengeful person: I let go of bad things comparatively easily and hardly ever hold a grudge.
It’s still a very demanding situation. I often wonder if other carers go through the same thing, including the feeling of guilt at not wanting to help. I suppose they do - it’s probably one of the main reasons for respite care (”caring for carers”, as they call it) being such an important business.
