Full Time Care

Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide…

Oh, alright, I’ll stop singing Queen songs! I shall, however, explain my sudden outburst of Freddie Mercury-ness: I had a comment from a visitor the other day, asking if “this neurotic woman” I write about is actually real. Apparently my blog sometimes sounds more like a novel than real life.

Well, yes. She’s most definitely real. Sometimes reality is, as they say, stranger than fiction. In all honesty, I would never have imagined - some sixteen years ago, when I met her - that she would turn out to be such a psychological mess. I never thought I’d end up caring for someone on a daily basis, working harder at it than at a ‘normal’ job. I could never have envisaged the depth and breadth of suffering and anguish she goes through every day, and all the struggling I’ve had to do to keep up, to keep the house going, to pay the rent, to keep food on the table and everything else.

I’ve sacrificed almost everything in life for her over the last few years. Tens of thousands of pounds, putting myself into more debt than I’ve ever had before (and that’s saying something, since I’ve been badly in debt in the past), two jobs, virtually all social contact with family and friends, a car, an apartment and even decent food when things were really bad and she couldn’t stop drinking. Surviving on instant noodles and baked beans - with a smile - while she eats normally, is an art form I would prefer not to have mastered.

In return, she has - despite my almost constant online whining - made me a very happy man. She’s my soul-mate. Every day, she makes me laugh. She’s the smartest woman I’ve ever met. She’s la femme de ma vie (’the love of my life’ would be the closest translation for that). Yes, it’s tough sometimes. Yes, it’s almost bloody downright impossible at other times. But it’s worth it. And finally - finally! - things are starting to work out for the better. I’ll talk more about that another time.

In other news: my connection sucks. It took me 35 minutes to load this page. I’ll try to keep entries going, but as you can see from the calendar over on the right, I’ve missed quite a few days because of this problem. I’m working on it. Honest.

Today.com also just redid all their templates, so the main page has changed. Not my fault. I’ll figure that out when I have a slightly better connection, or at least a more stable one. Bear with me until I figure out all the options, please. Thanks.

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