The kicker is not whether she supports me (she doesn’t, but money is not an issue in that sense - never has been), but the fact that she’s neurotic and alcoholic. When someone’s having a panic attack or is very drunk, it’s not quite so simple to say “later, dear”. When she’s sober and anxious (but not panicking), things are generally fine.

And the alcoholism and neuroses are things that are very much out of my hands, as far as control or change are concerned. That’s down to her and the people supporting her (outside the house, as in).

It’s good for children to learn independence and respect. Your partner needs to learn it too.

First of all, don’t cater to her. Caring is one thing. Catering to is another. Try not to be available exactly when she wants you. Tell her “Just a minute,” or “I’m busy right now, can you come here?” Tell her you don’t want to cook tonight, could she please take care of herself. Insist on her respecting you.

The kicker here might be that she supports you. I haven’t read your whole blog. If you are dependent on her for your livelihood, then ask yourself it this is the way you want it to be. If it isn’t, find a way to support yourself.

You probably could use some counseling. Do you think it would help?

Marilynne
http://womenoverfifty.today.com

Found you by exploring the recent posts at today.com’s living/diaries&journals page. I’ll be back to explore more.

cheers!
*lynne*

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